of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize