Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
