I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
