i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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