If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
