You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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