Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Randomize
