how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
