Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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