I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
