I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
