my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
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