I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
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