he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I think your dad took our porno
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize