I showed him my bush... on skype.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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