when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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