is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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