Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
