She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
