Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Randomize
