I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
