So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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