South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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