She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
