Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
