Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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