I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
