Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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