I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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