he wants to bone in the snuggie
two words: eviction party
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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