Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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