btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
