someone get that fucking seahorse.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
