i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
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