I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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