Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
im six kinds of drunk right now
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I party with great urgency now.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
