Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
