i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
