A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
