I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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