Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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