is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
