Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
My vagina is officially offended.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
