I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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