Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
