If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
