she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
