The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
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