allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Randomize