If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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