do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
