Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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