Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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