so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
