was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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