i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
