my mouth tastes like poor choices
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
