youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize