Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
