Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Everything about him screamed your future.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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