He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Randomize
