I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
