3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Plan B is the new Plan A
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize