im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
