In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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