And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Randomize
