it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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