so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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