We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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