Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
