What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm jealous of your bromance
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
