My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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