I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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