i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
