ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Vodka?
Forever.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
